I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
