You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
