did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
