i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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