just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i think my cat just said my name.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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