im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
