did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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