she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
This baby is an asshole
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
