Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
