God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
