my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
