I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Someone came in the potted fern
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
