Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
