she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
