It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
