Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
