Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
