i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
