cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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