I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
