honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
