to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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