Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
