What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
