We are two peas in an std pod
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
