Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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