I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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