New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he thought i was a dude.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
