Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
