Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
