She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
