Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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