3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
