when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
