new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just high enough for therapy.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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