The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
