Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
