you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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