I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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