Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
