She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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