No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
