My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
