I'm jealous of your bromance
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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