Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
false alarm, still single
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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