So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
