its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
