Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
