taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
