Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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